Anyone that has ever been in a relationship can attest to the fact that fighting is always a part of relationships. No matter how much you love and care for your partner there are going to be times when you disagree and fight. But that's ok, fighting is healthy, as long as you fight fairly.
When you and your partner get into that inevitable fight there are unwritten rules that should be followed. There are rules about what you should say and rules about how you should say it. If you follow these rules and fight fairly, fights can actually be healthy for the relationship. It has been proven that couples who fight fairly actually have a more intimate relationship and deeper understanding of one another.
What To Say?
o When you want to talk to your significant other about something that has been bothering you, make sure that you are specific when you initiate the conversation. This will help them understand what you think is wrong right away.
o When you bring up your grievances, make sure that you are criticizing your partner's behavior not their character. Do not insult or belittle them. If your partner feels that you are attacking their character, they will feel hurt and betrayed. For example, if you think that they were rude to you, do not call them rude, specifically say that they were acting rude. There's a difference.
o Don't simply complain. State what you think is wrong, why you think it's wrong, and how you would like it fixed.
o Do not bring your partner's family into the argument. This will just make them become defensive.
o Don't try to tell your partner how they feel. They know how they feel so let them tell you.
How To Say It?
o Do not yell. Yelling can be very harmful both to your significant other and others witnessing the fight, especially if there are children around. Remember, if you fight in front of your kids, you change them forever.
o Do not be sarcastic or angry. Both tones are very hurtful and they do not help to convey a point.
o Listen! Don't cut each other off. Let your significant other say what they need to say, and when they are finished speaking, it will be your turn to respond.
o Be tolerant. Listen to everything your spouse has to say without getting defensive. If they are fighting fairly, they are not trying to hurt you.
o Focus on one thing at a time. When you have resolved one issue then you can move on to another one. This will keep you from overloading your partner with grievances, making them feel overwhelmed and hopeless.
o Give your partner some time to react and respond. Don't demand an instantaneous solution. Sometimes just giving each other some space and walking away from each other to think is beneficial.
Ending The Fight
o Saying the right things and saying them the right way is only half of a fair fight. In order to make sure that the fight is truly fair you need to end it the right way also.
o Do not go to bed without resolving a fight. As more time passes, the fight will become harder and harder to resolve. It is better to stay up and fight all night than to go to sleep angry. Holding a grudge over a small thing can snowball into a huge problem.
o Always try to come to a compromise. It is the best way to resolve a fight. Don't begin a fight with the mindset that it has to end the way you want it to.
o At the end of the fight apologize, especially if you hurt your partner. The fight shouldn't be about right and wrong, it should be about fixing a problem and strengthening the relationship.
Arguments are the hardest part of relationships, but they are necessary and if done in the right manner, they can strengthen your bond even more. Even though it may seem hard at times, try to always fight fairly. Fair fights will only strengthen relationships. When fighting with your partner, remember that you still love and care about them and you still need to respect them. People who keep this in mind during a fight only benefit from it.
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